Max says, "Meep. Meep."

So, before we left for our holiday trip through the middle of the country, I took the cats to the vet. Over my better judgment, I might add. Our cats don't go outside. They barely leave our bedroom. I haven't had them to the vet since 2008. I see no reason to give them $50 shots and a $40 "physical exam" EACH so they can spend their twilight days snoozing in the sun even more comfortably. Zoey is terrified of the outdoors and Max never makes it past the front yard even when he bolts.

So, taking them to the vet was not even on my radar until Dec. 8. I found a present left for me in Emma's closet. And as it contained blood, I was concerned. I managed to ignore this concern with the usual affirmations that cats shit blood all the time. This was no big deal. Seeing as how there was no way to tell which cat left the colorful gift, why would I pay for BOTH of them to be checked. For a few precious days, my denial was working. Then on Dec. 10, I found a TOOTH on the floor of my bedroom. It was huge. And by huge, I mean that I originally thought it was a twig Jackson had dragged into the house. I determined that the tooth belonged to Max. Now I had 2 animal medical issues and the overdue guilt from not taking them to the vet for their regular visits so of course, I caved.

The only appointment I could get was on Friday before we left town for 10 days. Zoey was determined to possibly have hyper-thyroidism and required a $90 blood test. Max has tape worms - very common, I'm told and contracted by contact with fleas which we don't have and the cats couldn't have been in contact with because THEY DON'T GO OUTSIDE. Anyway, one pill for Max, a blood-test for Zoey, 3 solid inches of stress-shed cat hair for the vet's nurse to clean up and $300+ later, we went home. Where Max proceeded to BARF all over the floor of our room, effectively negating the treatment we'd just paid $16 for only 23 minutes earlier. And yes, it was Friday so I had to wait until Monday when we were out of town to call them to find out what to do about Max. *insert 10-day time lapse here* Called the vet, Zoey is NOT hyper-thyroidic (and yes, I just made up that word), Max needed another $16 pill and when would I like to schedule BOTH of their $180+ teeth cleanings? Holy Highway Robbery, Batman.

Picked up Max's 2nd pill this evening at 4:30. (You can see where this is going, can't you?) After attempt #1 failed with just me and Max involved (in which the pill was placed a considerable way down his throat and he proceeded to HOLD HIS BREATH and NOT SWALLOW while bicycling his back claws into my abdomen until I released him and he hacked the pill back up onto the bedspread), I enlisted Andy. Andy remembered that the nurse suggested we roll him in a blanket and "chase" the pill with water from a TURKEY BASTER to force him to swallow the pill. This we tried. 3 times. The pill came back up each time in various stages of disolvement and I think Max aspirated about a teaspoon of water. At this point, I took out some wet food and pulverized the remaining fragments of the pill into the food. Max proceeded to LICK ALL THE GRAVY OFF each piece of meat without ingesting any of the actual food. I think, perhaps, he ultimately ate about one tenth of the pill. It was like Max was the Roadrunner and I'm Wylie Coyote constantly pursuing and trying things that EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS will not work.

Did I mention that during none of this 2 hour 15 minute "battle" did Max hide under anything more substantial than the Christmas tree?! (Yes, it's still up people - don't judge me.) He was gloating - Look, lady, there's no way you're going to get me to take the pill. And if you do, I'll just hack it up on your floor again. And then you'll step in it. While I sleep on your pillow.
And so, it has begun. Tonight was merely a mild skirmish in a war that must last at least until Monday because, of course... the vet is closed tomorrow.

Photo Spectacular

Since we've had a lot going on in the past month, I've posted some pictures to our web albums. Here are a few to tempt you. Click on the actual picture and go to the web album that has all the pictures from our trips!



This picture is of Day 1 at Disney World for Thanksgiving with the Mauks. We had a blast! Also, previous to our DW trip, I attended the NCTE National Convention again this year, which was close to home in Orlando. My favorite part is meeting and talking with YA authors. Click on the picture of E and J and topiary Mickey to see all the DW pics and the other authors I got to meet!

Here's the tree. Click on the tree pic to see the FEW other pics of Christmas cheer and home improvements we've made since October.

Holiday Spirit

I have never claimed to be a Christmas enthusiast. Mostly, I feel that Christmas (for many people, some of whom I know personally) equals greed. I try to avoid getting caught up in the melee and go about my business of ignoring the over-blown Christmas schizophrenia that obsesses America's consumers. Now that the kids are getting older, I find myself wanting to "do more" - not for me - but for them. I dreaded putting up the tree this year because of all the work it would entail but after Andy got it to the house and I saw the look on Emma's face after we had it lit up, I got excited myself. Putting on the ornaments was fun again. Watching Emma struggle with just the right placement of our 57th (I'm not kidding) Disney princess ornament - was just as fun as if I was doing it myself. We had hot cocoa even though it was 78 degrees outside and listened to Christmas tunes. When we finished and she trotted off to bed (and I relieved the over-heavy 4-foot-high portion of the tree by more evenly distributing some ornaments), I was tired but happy. Seeing Jackson's face the next morning when he woke up and exclaimed, "Mama, the Christmas tree has fire (his word for the lights). That's so cool!" was just as amazing. My Christmas dishes are out, complete with potholders and placemats. The Christmas movies are playing. The Christmas music is wafting through the air. Emma and I made cookies and I'm finishing the Christmas cards tonight. Then we'll be heading out take a tour of Tallahassee Christmas lights. All of that to say that, through my children, I've been infected with Christmas spirit again. I'm not sure it was completely gone but it had been slowly beaten down in the past few years by cynicism and over-commercialization. I'm so glad to rediscover the joy of Christmas through my kids. Pictures of our dolled-up holiday abode soon to come.

Veteran's Day the Mauk Way

As we enjoy a day off from work and school to remember and commemorate the sacrifice our Veterans have made, I am thankful for their dedication and willingness. Sitting here at the kitchen table, enjoying the beautiful, clear, sunny day beginning outside my windows, I am reminded of exactly how much freedom is worth. The local classical station is playing various military marches and Emma and Jackson are "performing" in Emma's room. I'm feeling rather patriotic. Must go join in the celebration. Thank you to my favorite Veterans: Granddad and Grandma Robie, Dad, and Dennis. I hope everyone has a great day off!

On a completely unrelated note: Christmas lists for the kids are posted. I'll be adding things as I find them.

Teary Moment

We disassembled Jackson's crib today and installed a toddler bed, complete with Woody & Buzz bedding. Jackson walked in after we took out the crib and said, "Oh no! Where's my bed?!" and put on his sad face. Then, true to his boyness, when the toddler bed was installed, he looked at his Papa (my dad) and when my dad said, "This is your new bed, you're going to sleep in it tonight." Jackson responded with, "Yeah, but I have to jump in it first." Atta boy! I actually teared up a little when it was all finished. But I'm over it now.

The Life of a Cheer Mom

Those of you who have known me for a while will understand that the pictures I am about to post are some sort of karmic retribution for my high school years. However, I am learning a major lesson about parenthood. What my child loves may have nothing to do with what I love. And what matters is that SHE LOVES IT. I have never seen my daughter happier than in the middle of an all-out, veins-popping-out-of-her-neck, throat-lacerating cheer. Thus begins the next era in the Emma Saga. Enjoy.

Why did I not do this more before?

Just a note to say that I HEART AUDIOBOOKS. That is all.

How do you know when...

How do you know when you've watched The Princess and the Frog too many times?

When, during the Bayou scene, your 2.5 year old son looks at you, slaps his rear end, and says, "Mama, I gotta big back porch!" a la Ray, the Firefly.

Aaaand, the TV's off, people.

Emma-tainment

Emma is staying home from camp this week since we're leaving for AR on Thursday morning. We had a little extra time this afternoon after lunch and this is what she wanted to do with it. Truly her father's daughter. Enjoy.

New (school) Year's Resolution

I have been able to surf the internet more often lately. This is, in part, due to summer vacation and the fabulous camp/daycare to which I send my children to maintain their routine and my sanity. With my more leisure days, I have made a few re/discoveries: I have really funny family and friends. Reading your blogs and websites puts a smile on my face. I rediscovered The Dooce (whom I have replaced on my blog list in the side-bar). I have forgotten one of the purposes of my blog.

When I started blogging, I had two purposes: to keep family who are far away apprised of the happenings at the Mauk Ranch and to comment/observe/bitch/whine about life in general. While much of my life does concern my children, they are not 100% who I am. (Please don't put me in the same category as Ayelet Waldman. My children are a priority and I love them dearly but, they don't DEFINE me. I digress.) I have opinions and thoughts and observations outside my family life and I've been neglecting "myself", for lack of a better word.

To that end - I, Reagan Mauk, resolve to post more often and in a more varied manner. That is all.

Thanks for the laugh, Lindsay!

My sister-in-law, Lindsay, just blogged about this website called "Sh*t My Dad Says". Click here to read Lindsay's post about it. The basic situation is that this guy moved back in with his dad when he was 27. He posts things his dad has said and they are all really funny. I added the website to my list in the side-bar. Some of it's pretty crass but it's all REALLY funny. Andy and I both got a kick out of it. Check it out but make sure little ears and little read-able eyes are occupied or asleep.

Fun times...

Here are a few fun pics from the last week or so. These pictures are pictures of Emma from her birthday celebration. It was not just a birth-day because it lasted an entire weekend. This is Emma and her friends, Ansley and Kaitlyn. They are opening presents the morning after the sleepover. All still have bed-head even though Ansley and Emma had already put on their clothes.Here's the birthday girl with her birthday brownie cake. She's the only 6-year old in the world who doesn't like birthday cake. But you can't go wrong with a good brownie.
Here she is blowing out all 6 candles! Action shot!
And, the final product. Enjoying the birthday spoils.
Jackson enjoyed the brownie just as well. Besides the obvious resemblance between the two of them, they also inherited some well-known Robie/Snider/Jackson traits. Both were able to get brownie & frosting on their noses within seconds of digging into the brownie.

Dining Out...With Children

Jackson has entered the stage during which it is IMPOSSIBLE to eat out at any restaurant without a play-place. He will not sit still for more than 10 minutes. I realize that this 10 minutes far outstrips anything E was able to accomplish at this age, but it is still aggravating. He sat in a booster seat for the first time tonight (instead of the institutional, wooden high-chair) and enjoyed the 2.7 minutes of novelty and then was just as wiggly as ever.

He also is just as entranced by movies as his sister. So, tonight, I did it. I took the DVD player with us to dinner. In addition, I packed the child-size headphones and my iPod with earbuds just in case (read: when) Emma became jealous. We were at Chili's with both of our children plugged into electronic devices. They were quiet, still and Andy and I got to eat our dinner without threatening spankings and/or yelling at one or both of the children.

I was THAT parent tonight, and I'm totally OK with it.

Tooth Fairy Remix

Emma lost another tooth yesterday. They were both loose so it's not a total shock but I didn't think it would come out that soon! So last night, we put it in the "tooth box" but I never saw where she put it. I assumed (I know, my fault) she would leave it on her dresser. When the TF finally went in to perform the swap, the box was nowhere to be found. 30 minutes later - still no tooth box. The gods stepped in and E woke up thirsty and in need of some itch relief. After both treatments, I feigned surprise and told her we had forgotten to put out her tooth for the TF. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Mama, it's under my pillow. Duh."
Right - the only place I didn't look.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

At almost this exact moment (3:58pm) 6 years ago today, Emma Kathryn Mauk joined us. And nothing has ever been the same. Love you, big girl.

Toothless-ish

Emma lost her first tooth. Here are the pics.

Sympathy in Action

Jackson has discovered the Toy Story movies. We watched TS 1 & 2 to prepare Emma for Toy Story 3 with Aunt Tara, so J got his introduction to Buzz and Woody. Since then, we've watched part of one or the other movie almost every day to allow J his Buzz/Woody fix.

Last night, we were watching TS 2 during the part of the movie where Jessie explains why she's so bitter about Woody having an owner. That beautiful song by Sarah McLaughlin plays and you get the heart-rending montage showing Jessie's life with Emily. It is truly sad: I've cried a few times myself. When the song was over, Andy looked over and Emma was crying - hard. Big, crocodile tears falling down her face. Andy asked her what was wrong and she said, "Why didn't Emily play with Jessie anymore? Why did she give Jessie away?" It was a really touching. She snuffled and gasped for a few more minutes and said, "There are some toys in my shelves that I haven't played with in a long time. Do you think they're sad, too?"

It was pretty tough to watch. I started to tear up too. I was saddened and amazed all at the same time. I think Andy even teared up a little bit. E is really growing up. That's the first time she's ever shown an emotional reaction to a movie like that. She felt bad for Jessie and transferred that emotion to her own life. How cool is that? Not that it made her cry, but the mental process behind it. My little girl is sensitive and smart. What a blessing.

Message Received

The other day, J and I were playing on the floor. I had on shorts because I had just worked out. Jackson plopped down in my lap and then shot up like he'd been stung screaming, "Ow, Mama!" I thought maybe he HAD been stung or had pinched his leg on my shoe when he sat down. I was searching around my lap to figure out what had hurt him. Meanwhile, he leaned over and rubbed his hand up and and down my shin. With a look of horror on his face, he pulled his hand away and said, "Owie, Mama. Your legs, owie."

Thank you, son. Message received: Mama needs to shave.

Streamlining

This summer has been about streamlining. Hence the new look for the blog. I wanted something simpler with less fuss. I'm sure I'll change it again eventually; it's like my seating charts at school - I get bored easily.

Here's a short schedule of our summer events, so far:
June
* I "streamlined" my classroom and threw a whole bunch of junk out while I packed up for summer.*Kids spent 2 weeks in AR while Andy took his prelims and we went to Cancun, Mexico for our 10th anniversary. (Yeah - I know, we've been married for 10 years. Weird.)

Mexico pictures here!

*Emma started summer camp at Florida State University Schools summer program. She's loving life and comes home with a new story or adventure every day.
*Emma's bottom 2 teeth are really loose - the Tooth Fairy better get in gear!
*I met Katie in Panama City for the Eclipse movie release. Loved it! Already seen it twice more. And, I may go again.
*ANDY FOUND OUT HE PASSED HIS PRELIMINARY EXAMS!!!!

July
*E and I went to watch the fireworks while Andy stayed home with J. We were still trying to get the kids back into their routine after being in a different time zone (and different expectation zone - the GPs set later bedtimes than the 'rents.)
*E & J back into their rountine: glad to be back at school and camp.
*MK GAVE BIRTH TO BABY LUCY!
*YARD SALE! Again, streamlining. Need I say more? Although, I do have to pause here to give MUCHO GRACIAS to my friend Kat for suffering in the heat with me all day. Also a huge YOU'RE A LIFESAVER to my friend Hillary for taking E & K skating for the day. And, last but never least, LOVE YOU to Andy for being the J-man's beck-and-call guy all day. The YS wasn't really worth all the trouble it took to put it together but we did make some money - and it's money we didn't have before so I guess it's not all bad.

I also posted some pics and videos from the Spring soccer season. Emma looks good in her uniform - she's #12. Take a peek if you have time.

The rest of the summer is pretty low-key.
We're headed back to AR at the very end of July/beginning of August. We'll be there for about 10 days. We'll be in HS first, to see the Mauks. Then we're heading over to LR on Aug. 2 or 3 to see the LR people. I, of course, will make a trip to OK somewhere in there to see MK and Luce. I may try to go to Tulsa via F'ville to see some friends there. Hope everyone is well. Enjoy the Cancun pics and start saving your pennies so you can go with us next time!

FREEDOM!

The kids are in AR with the grandparents! I would like to whole-heartedly thank our parents and my sister for making this happen. Just take a moment and let that sink in. We have been in Tallahassee for 3 years and this is the first time we have been alone in this house. It's weird. So, we've had lots of free time to fill for the past 2 days. Yesterday I went to work out and then HAD A MASSAGE. Wow. Then we went out to celebrate Andy completing his preliminary exams for his PhD. He is so relieved and I know he passed with flying colors. But we also didn't have to worry about coming home at a particular time or remembering to stop and get cash to pay the sitter. Excellent.

Today WE SLEPT IN. Again, let that percolate for a second. We slept until 9. Andy actually got up at 545 and then CAME BACK TO BED. Remarkable. We went to the gym and had a lunch that involved AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION. You know, where he asks a question and I answer it without an extended interlude of child-related static.

Now we're watching the USA/England game BECAUSE WE CAN. And also because we both like soccer. But we can actually watch the game because no one needs a diaper change or is requesting that we play Princess Crazy 8's. It's glorious.

We're starting to pack for the Mexico trip. I spent some time going through our closet after lunch before the game started. My husband owns 57 shirts. Fifty. Seven. After weeding out the 15 that he never wears or are faded/grungy looking, I started mentally cataloging what he has that we can take with us to Mexico. We'll be shopping a little this afternoon. Which we will be able to do WITHOUT A STROLLER OR A TRIP TO THE 25 CENT KIDDIE RIDES. (Although, admittedly, Andy does love the helicopter.)

Thank goodness for family who are willing to keep our babies to give us some sanity. (Also, do you see what I'm doing? I'm blogging in a continuous stretch of time in which all my thoughts seem to make sense and flow because I haven't been interrupted nine times to help a child open his light-saber.) We love Grandma & Grandpa and Mimi & Papa dearly. Hope you are having fun because Andy and I are loving it. (We do miss our babies, just not enough to have them home yet. ;)

J:2 - Parents:0

I was at LHS graduation last night (remind me to tell you about the fight between spectators later) so Andy was on solo boy-bedtime-battle duty. Jackson screamed for an hour and a half. Andy needed to study since prelims are coming up next week so he finally caved and went in to calm him down. J "sent" to bed at 7:45; J actually calm enough to sleep at 9:15. He woke up at 1:45 and wanted to chat. We visited til 2 am. He didn't really go back to sleep until 3 am although I did get to doze in my bed while listening to him chat up his 2 lovies and blankets. He slept between 3 and 4:45 and then monologued until 5:30 or so before going back to sleep. Needless to say - I. Am. Not. Encouraged.

J wins Round 1

I've decided that perhaps the bedtime battles (at least with my kids) just begin at about 2 years, 3 months. Emma fought it for 10 months after her 2nd birthday and J seems to be following suit. We thought the bedtime battles began with E because we moved her out of her crib into a real bed. But J is still in his crib. We did get rid of the pacifier but he doesn't seem to need them to go to sleep. He's begun stalling (just like E) to prolong bedtime. He was a fantastic bedtime kid until around the beginning of May. Read a story, sing a song, say a prayer, put him in the bed & walk out. Done. Ask our babysitters. They were astounded at his pleasant bedtime demeanor. No more pleasantries. We've cajoled and bribed and rocked and sang and done everything to try to lull him into going to sleep on time and peacefully but no dice. He's as manipulating as Emma - even worse to a certain extent.

So tonight we decided we'd let him cry it out. Day 1 of however many days it takes.
Time Clock: 1 hour, 4 minutes of crying, yelling, etc. before final silence.
Stages covered: 7 different stages (listed below) with 5 minute calm period between each intended to fake us out into thinking he's done.
1) pitiful crying - intended to illicit sympathy and another bedroom visit
2) sobbing - intended to make parents think he'll hyperventilate
3) angry-baby "cussing" - intended to make us respond with anger which would get us back in the room
4) periodic screeching - punctuated with wall-kicking
5) silence - fake out hoping we'll come check on him and realize he's still awake
6) requesting a drink - classic stall intended to make parents worry about dehydration from crying
7) screaming parents' names with blood-curdling volume - last ditch effort; 1/2 angry - 1/2 desperate attempt to get us back in the room

These 7 stages are followed by periodic murmuring as he finally accepts defeat and lies down to go to sleep. Hopefully these stages will decrease in length until the boy realizes we are seriously not coming back. Stay tuned for tomorrow night's episode recap.

Concrete sequential?

For Christmas Aunt MK and Uncle Scott gave Emma a set of Family Dinner Games. It's basically a set of 50 cards in a box. On each card there's a game to play with your family while you're eating dinner. The games are to keep the kids engaged and seated during dinner. Some of the cards say things like, "On the count of 3, everyone at the table give a thumbs-up or thumbs down; odd man out has to take a drink or a bite." They're all pretty fun, Emma likes them and it keeps her seated after she's done eating while the rest of us finish. Tonight the last game we played read as follows, "Go around the table and everyone tell his favorite thing about bath time." Emma promptly got up, walked around the table, stopped next to me and said, "I like reading a story." Yep folks, she went around the table. Ahhh, 5 year olds.

Things you never want to hear...

Tonight as we were preparing for dinner, Emma made the following comment for no reason in particular - just make the PSA to the family.
E: Daddy, I don't want you to die first. I want Mama to die first. I don't want to have to live with just Mama.

Hmmm. Really. Pretty sure that tops the burp comment from Monday.

But then, bath time made up for any irritation I may have felt. There's nothing like a little boy belly-laugh. Apparently, my inability to keep hold of the soap is hilarious.



Since I have actually downloaded some photos - here are a few related to previous posts and other life events that I may have or may have not posted about. But they're good pics anyway.

Prom decorations.
We also had 14 tables with a different theme for each table. My partner, "Kis", took those photos. If you're really interested you can email me. But it looked awesome.

This was Jackson's first meeting with a Snickers.
And that's about it. I have the boy's bday photos loaded finally and another bday party for one of E's friends at the Painted Pony Ranch. Again, if interested email me. Mimi & Grandma - I'll make you a CD.

Books - of course

For several months now I have been listening to books on my iPod while I work out. My friend Kat turned me on to it and I love it. Why did I not think of this before? Anyway, she and I have discovered a disheartening pattern. Narrators for YA books seem to leave a little wanting in the way of totally committing to the narration. Most adult books I've listened to have been pleasantly and believably narrated. The narrator of the Sookie Stackhouse novels is amazing! But, a large percentage of the YA books I've listened to have seemed stilted and wooden. (Anyone remember the awful listening experience on the ride back from State game in Orlando: Bel-la! Bel-la!") So this begs the question: Do audio producers feel that YA books don't deserve the same level of excellence they insist upon for adult books? YA books have so much to offer to YAs and adults alike. They have been the step-children of the book industry for years and are finally getting the much deserved acclaim they deserve. Why, oh why, is this 2nd rate status still hovering around these books? It's so unfair. OK - thus endeth the temper tantrum. For now.

Dinner conversation

Tonight at dinner, we're halfway through our pot pies when the dinner conversation turns a little strange. Jackson begins to point out all his boo-boos and identifying when and how they occurred along with who was responsible.
A: What's that on your arm, Jackson?
J: Boo-boo. Scrape. Fall down. Jack-Jack did it. The other one.
(There is, in fact, another Jackson in his class. Apparently, since we call Jackson "Jack-Jack" sometimes, he assumes that all Jacksons are also called "Jack-Jack".)
A: What's on your knee, buddy?
J: Big boo-boo. Pushed down. Jack-Jack did it. The other one.
And, you see the pattern. Apparently The Other Jackson (henceforward referred to as "TOJ") is quite the bruiser. He also has 2 bite marks: one on his forearm and one on his chest. He has also attributed bumps, scrapes and cuts that I have witnessed occurring with my own eyes, to this young man. So, the only conclusions are (1) TOJ is really sneaky and sometimes invisible or (2) my Jackson is a a pathological liar. Either that or he's just two.

Also - right after this, Emma leaned over to Andy, belched in his face and said, "Daddy, smell my burp."

Living the dream, people.

Mother's Day

Today was a wonderful day. Andy let me sleep in, which as most of you know, is my most favorite activity besides reading. Then I got to go to a wonderful church service where Mark reminded us that God is in control. Strange that we need reminders about that but it was a good message to hear. Then I got to go spend a few hours shopping with a friend. Finally, the day was topped off with a trip to the movies with my girl. Andy doesn't really like to go to the movies as much as I do and they're too loud for J. We went to see How to Train Your Dragon which was cute. Emma and I both enjoyed it. On the way to the movie, I asked E what she and Andy did while J was napping. She said she played her video game while Andy cleaned the house. She said he cleaned the bathroom and mopped the kitchen. I said, "We have a good Daddy, don't we Emma? He cleans and cooks dinner and washes clothes. That's pretty awesome, huh?" Emma said, "Yeah, Mama, he does a good job. It's good too because you don't do those things very often." Hmmm. So, I'm teaching her well - find a man who will do these things BUT apparently I need to help out a little more so I don't give her the impression that she doesn't have to help her partner. But on second thought...maybe that's not such a bad thing?

Reason #15...

I (stupidly) volunteered to be Junior Class sponsor (in addition to Bat Girls' sponsor) last year in hopes of securing my job. Well, we all know how that played out...but now, prom approaches. Last week I dealt with the horror that is high school research papers and a horrible stomach flu. Those things seem tame compared to our prom run-up thus far. For the past couple of months, my cohort and I have been preparing for prom. Ordering decorations and favors. Running the elections and voting for prom court. You get the idea - High School Nightmare: The Movie.

My partner in all this is affectionately known to the cyber-world as "Kis" and to maintain her anonymity, I will continue to use this moniker. She has been busting her butt over the past 2 weeks - 3 months to be honest - to get everything ready. Our prom theme is "Wonderland" as in Alice in Wonderland which sounds great and exciting and creative. Except that there are NO good decorations to be had in any of the prom "catalogs". Because of Kis's creativity, we had lots of good ideas and a-shopping we did go over SB to thrift shops and antique stores to stock up on our home-grown ideas for decorations. Once we squared those original ideas away, we decided to tackle the mass-produced decorations available to us in the catalogs.

The "kits" (the only 2 available to go with our theme) we purchased from aforementioned catalogs provide us with a quaint "Queen of Hearts Gate" and oversized "Wonderland environment features". The directions and the "supplies" left a few things to be desired.

1-Everything is made out of cardboard or plexi-plastic. All the color comes off on clothes and hands.
2-There is an overabundant, and dare I say needless and tacky, use of glitter.
3-We were given 2 sets of large pieces when we needed 1 large set and 1 small set. We had to "create" the small set, requiring the use of a protractor, Exacto knives and very large rulers. (You all know me, right?)
4-One of the props requires sandbags (not included) - that's right, you heard me - sandbags. Which coincidentally, Andy and I happen to OWN due to our neighborhood's propensity for flooding, but that's another post.
5-Three strands of twinkle lights for the GIANT mushrooms did not work. (Twisted Christmas album flashbacks, anyone?)
6-The author of the directions confused concave and convex causing a misapplication of spray adhesive of gargantuan proportions. It was, sadly, uncorrectable.
7-ALL pieces require hot glue. ALL. They gave us exactly half the amount of glue sticks needed to make these GIANT flowers and mushrooms.
8-All electrical cords for light fixtures are exactly 2 and 1/2 feet long which will reach approximately NONE of the outlets in our venue requiring us to spend an obscene amount of money on extension cords and glue sticks.
9-Once assembled, all GIANT flowers and mushrooms, in addition to the 9 foot tall "gate" that looked like a picket fence in the catalog, will NOT fit into the regular elevator, the service elevator or the stairwell at the venue. We will be requesting campus security to open the General Admission gate to the stadium so we can carry the props up the SPECTATOR RAMPS in order to the get it all into the ballroom.

Take a moment, let it all process...call me with comments.

We're still here

I realize I stink at updating these days. There's just so much to do it's hard to make time to type up life. So this post will be an overview of the last few weeks and then, hopefully - fingers crossed everyone- the updates will become more regular.

The last time I posted, the kids were sick. Since then they've been fairly healthy. Jackson's only had a small cold and Emma is battling back from an inner ear infection.

Andy took a 4 day trip to Arkansas to see some friends. He didn't get much of his Spring Break because the kids were so sick so he got to enjoy quite a bit of time off while the kids and I took my Spring Break at the end of March. We were lucky enough to have Mimi here with us for the entire week. We hung out here for several days and then headed to Disney World for 3 days, just me, Mom and the kids. We had a blast. In fact, we had so much fun that I think we have about 3 photos total from the 3 days in Orlando. Mom was able to spend Easter with us and we did take a few photos Easter morning. The sun was so bright we all look like we're in pain but the pics in the sidebar are the most recent photos of us all.

Emma is playing soccer and I somehow was volunteered to help coach the team. Thank you, Andy. (It's not really his fault but I like to tease him about it since he's the one who told the coach's husband that I played in high school.) Out of 4 scheduled practices, we've only had 2 due to weather. We've had 3 games, of which Emma has played in two. She didn't make the game last weekend due to Jackson's cold and her ear thing. Andy was working most of the weekend and dragging 2 sick kids to the soccer field by myself didn't sound appealing. Here are a few pictures from her first soccer game. She's got lots of speed but little stamina. In addition, she's a little...prone to distraction. The dogs in the yards of the homes near the church are quite the attraction - even during the game. she really likes playing though, which I'm excited about. This Saturday will be my debut coaching. I am solo this weekend and next weekend because the real coach also signed her son up for tee-ball which overlaps with the soccer games. So, it's Coach Reagan to the rescue. Wish me luck. But here are a few pics of our soccer star.

Jackson is growing and talking so much. His new phrase is, "Mama, I need that." This could apply to anything from his pacifier to his dirty diaper. He's mastering simple sentences and he has embraced the Terrible Twos with wide-open arms as evidenced by his full-frontal face-plant in the middle of the street Sunday afternoon. He was so distraught it caused a passing 6 year-old on a bike to stop and offer assistance. When I explained that he was merely throwing a fit, she replied, "Yeah, my brother does that all the time. Well, see ya!" At least we're not alone in our trials and tribulations. If you look closely at the following photo you will see evidence of true sibling connection - Emma is spitting in his hair while Jackson tries to whack her with a stick. Ahh, childhood.

Hope all is well with you all. Here's hoping I can keep up with the posting.

Motherhood Attacks

My weekend began rather inauspiciously. My students left Friday afternoon and I began the end of the week rituals to prepare for the next week's instruction. I got a call from Emma's school clinic informing me that she had been there most of the afternoon and was complaining that her stomach hurt. I talked to her, deduced she hadn't really eaten lunch, decided to go pick her up anyway and thus began THE WEEKEND OF THE BODILY EXCRETIONS.

Emma had been in the car long enough to tell me she had thrown up on the way from the clinic back to her classroom to get her backpack when her eyes rounded, enlarged and then she spewed forth into the back of my car. Poor girl. I pulled over, punched on the flashers, helped her get through the worst of it, rolled down all the windows and opened the sunroof and hauled-ass home as fast as I could without drawing too much attention. After changing her clothes and making sure she was safely ensconced on the couch ON TOP of 3 throw blankets with a vomit-bowl at the ready, I headed outside to tackle my car.

Baby-wipes are miracles people. I was really able to take care of most of it with the help of a Huggies wipes refill pack. I think I only used about 20 wipes, which in the grand scheme of things, isn't that bad. While I was outside, elbow deep in my backseat, I heard Emma scream, "Mama! Hurry!" from inside. I figured we were on to round 3 so I hightailed it back into the house only to find Emma pointing in horror at Max who had just coughed up a hairball in the middle of the floor. I guess he's a sympathetic vomiter. At least it was on the laminate floor and not the carpet. I wiped that up with, you guessed it, another baby wipe and went back out to the car to finish the haz-mat clean up. Andy brought home some Tuff Stuff car upholstery cleaner and the car was back to normal with a not unpleasant chemically lemon freshness.

We spent the rest of the night trying to convince her that gulping down water would not get her "back to normal" as she claimed. She would sneak into the bathroom and down half a glass of water before one of us could get there and then, 20 minutes later, we'd be using the bowl. She woke up about every hour and a half to sneak water but thankfully the heaves stopped at about 9pm.

We woke up yesterday thinking the worst was behind us. Both kids took a good long nap while Andy did some yard-work and I got to read. The kids slept for so long, Andy finished the yard, showered and then left again to wash my car. I think maybe he had a premonition while outside and was trying to escape in a way that wouldn't seem suspicious.

Emma hasn't voluntarily taken a nap in over a year so this was a gift. Until she woke up. She had been sleeping so hard, she went to the bathroom in her sleep. She woke up horrified because she had poop on her arm. Strangely, it wasn't in the bed - it had been contained - but it was all over her. I stripped the sheets anyway just to be safe and to help with the smell. Ewww. 15 minutes later while Jackson had a snack in the high chair, Emma was in the bathtub. That was the only thing for her besides a full body scrub-down with a bristled brush. I decided to bathe J too and just get it all over in one fell swoop. On the way to his room to take off his clothes, Jackson decided Tiger, his stuffed animal, needed a bath and dunked him in the tub. We got Jackson in the tub and Tiger in the dryer without further incident. While the kids played in the tub I started Emma's clothes in the first of 3 loads of laundry that would be coming my way.

Both kids clean, I took J out and put him in his crib naked (as is our new custom) so I could get E out of the tub and started on getting dressed. I suppose I took a little longer than I should have because I made it back into Jackson's room in time to see the shimmer of a line of fluid arcing across the crib. He hosed down his blankets with glee, laughing the entire time. While the distance was quite impressive, I was now getting to strip another bed due to an excess of bodily fluids.

By the time Andy got home, both kids were clean and dressed. The second load of laundry was in the washer and he had missed it all. To his credit, he helped me make the kids' beds and my car looks amazing. Through it all, I was actually pretty calm. Poor Emma was just having a crappy weekend (pardon the pun) and really, leaving a naked two year-old in his bed, exposed to the air is just taunting disaster, so that one's on me. I made a phone call to my mom for a bit of distraction while I peeled the wet sheets out of Jackson's crib, but all in all - I mostly just laughed. Really. I didn't yell or anything. I've been praying for patience lately and God really came through. However, in future, I will make sure to ask for patience WITHOUT events to test it. Whew.

Dear Fellow High School Teachers...

May the drinking commence.

Dear Parents of aforementioned sophomores...

Life lesson: stomping one's foot, jutting out the lower lip, and crossing arms over the chest is a technique learned in toddlerhood and it will be repeated until it is rendered ineffective. Apparently, in quite a few households, this tantrum-esque behavior still garners results. Please cease and desist all reaction and relenting toward this behavior because:
A) I don't get paid enough to put up with that kind of crap
B) this will ensure that your children do in fact learn responsibility, graduate from high school and leave home FOR GOOD (either because they are functioning adults or because they hate you but, by this time, will you really care? Just be happy they're gone.).

Dear Sophomores...

Saying, "I didn't like the sub. He was an a--hole," is not an acceptable excuse for refusing to do your work.
-PSA provided by Mrs. Mauk

Happy Birthday, little man!

Today my little man turns two. These two years went by even faster than Emma's first two years. I can hardly believe it. He has made progress in leaps and bounds in the past month. He's graduated from one word responses to simple sentences. For instance, tonight after he was finished with dinner he said, "I don't want it, Mama," as he pushed his plate towards me. "Chocate cupcake, peez!" He's no dummy. I've raised him well. He smiled while we sand "Happy Birthday" and blew out the candle all by himself. (Yes, I do have pictures but sadly, I have been sick as a dog the past two days. I stayed home from work today so uploading the pictures will have to wait.) I was taking pictures and he said, "Cheese!" and then immediately demanded, "I see it!" to look at the picture I had just taken. He's getting taller: we finally graduated from the size 4 diapers he's been in since he was 15 months old, to size 5 just last week. He is already identifying people in pictures - Aunt Lindsay is "Zee" and Aunt Leanne is "Eeann". Aunt Tara, of course, is just "Ara". Matt and Jay don't count because their names are easy to begin with. He loves his sister and is already pumped about watching "ockee" (hockey) with his Daddy. He likes to "pat pat" the kitties and gives every living thing in our house a kiss goodnight. I am so blessed to have had Jackson as my miracle baby after Izzie. Two years have been a blast - I can't wait for the next 2 and all the years after that. Mama loves you Jack-Jack.

Writer's Block

So, I write. Then I delete. Then, I write some more. It's addicting, this thing called writing. Sometimes more than cigarettes, even. I know, I know - who knew? Right, Erika? But ultimately, I have three problems. 1) What I write is crap. Or at least that's the way I feel about it. I can never get to a point where I think, "OK, time to let somebody read this." Self-criticism? I don't think so. I try to be fairly objective when I look over my stuff but somehow, it never seems like more than just erratic ramblings set down on paper. 2) I never finish anything. Never. So far, 13 different stories in almost as many permutations of completion. 3) No matter how hard I try to give up, my characters won't stop talking to me. Oh no, I'm not lucky or gifted or anything like that. Personally, I think I'm borderline crazy. I hear these voices and stories in my head all the time. Sometimes they're based on what's happening around me like the story of the feuding neighbors that leads to a fight a la Jerry Springer in a local Wal-Mart. And sometimes the stories are born completely out of fantasy-lands in my brain. But either way, I hear voices. And on some level we all know that's not good. So, yet again, I head into the evening with fingers poised over the keyboard to type thousands of words on tens of pages at a time to get - you guessed it - to the middle of nowhere. Here's hoping...well, honestly I don't know what I hope. I could hope someone would read it but then I might die of embarrassment. I could hope my computer dies and I lose it all but then I might cry for 17 hours straight. So, here's hoping...I finish something. Let's start (or finish... ba dum pum) with that. Good night, all.