Intervention: DVD

Andy and I have been conducting an experiment in our house this past week. We took Emma off TV. This is somewhat like a gastric bypass operation for a morbidly obese person but instead of food, we reduced her to one 10 minute window of weather or news/weather (as she calls it) each day. She is fascinated with the weather channel and radar so this is her version of a liquid diet. We started last Saturday morning after a Friday afternoon that almost convinced Andy to schedule a vasectomy. After E was in bed Friday night, I packed up all her DVDs and the mini-DVD player and hid the box. Sat. morning she awoke with her traditional, "I ready to watch a moobie, Mama." Thus, the intervention had begun. I explained to her that we weren't watching movies for a while. I calmly told her how distractable she was when the TV/DVDs were on and how she seemed to have trouble listening. I reasoned that maybe time without TV would do us all some good. Then I braced myself for the neighborhood dogs to join in the caterwauling I expected from her. Strangely, her head did not rotate on her shoulders, nor did pea-soup like material project from her orafices as I expected. She merely asked where the "moobies" were and, upon discovering they were boxed up, promptly asked for "cimanin toast". I was floored. However, last Sat. & Sun. were the best days we'd had with her in a month. She was so pleasant and able to focus - all day long! She still didn't take a nap but what a different girl. Maybe some people's kids can watch TV and not turn into ADHD wannabes but my child was on her way to high doses of Ritalin. Turning the TV/movies off has made such a difference. Partly I think it's that there's not the constant background noise competing for her attention all the time and partly that she has more interaction with us since she's not plunked in front of the TV. We did relent this morning and let her watch Higglytown Heroes. It was amazing. She sat still the entire time and watched the whole show. When it was over and we turned off the TV, it was no big battle. guess some of these child-rearing people really know what they're talking about. Who knew?

The many personalities of E

So I wanted to post some pics of Emma. She's been a lot of fun lately as well as a lot of work. She's really into taking pictures right now. She carries one of my old cameras with her everywhere. Here she is taking a pic of me taking a pic of her.

Also, I cleaned out my jewelry box and gave Em some old jewelry I was tired of wearing. She loved it. Since I got a new jewelry box for my birthday, I gave her my old one. She gets in and out of it all the time. Joy. This is her Madame E impersination. I especially like the rhinestone R hanging off her pocket. It just makes the ensemble, don't you think?

Of course they are...

We finally had 1/2 of our new furniture order delivered today. It's been a saga of its own that I've spared you thus far. I don't have the energy to go into it now. Suffice it to say that we should have had these tables 3 weeks ago along with the entertainment center that is still on backorder and they're hoping will get here by Sept. 1. By the way, we ordered everything on July 9 in case anyone wants to keep score. Gotta be quick, there's lightning. So, here are the pics of the new tables. What you can't see is that 2 of them are damaged. Of course they are. But, we get to keep these until an "analyst" can determine if the damage is "severe" enough to warrant replacing our supposedly brand new tables. Either way they look good in the pics and I'm happy with our choices. Hopefully the entertainment center will look as good and have the added bonus of not being damaged. I promise more later after the lightning stops.

I am tasty AND a genius.

Yesterday, we spent the greater part of the morning loading all of my classroom materials into Andy's truck and unloading them into our new climate-controlled storage unit. I found out that I will not have a classroom at my new school, I'll be floating. That means I have nowhere for my 6 bookcases and 500+ books. I am absolutely convinced that if I leave the books in the storage shed in our backyard that they WILL (not might, but will) grow some rare type of toxic mold that would require tenting our entire house and setting off cannister fumigators. God forbid I take them to school before I realized the mold growth. Then we'd have to tent the whole school. Point of this imaginative walk down Devastation Lane? I'm not sure. Apparently rambling aimlessly is catching: thanks Scott. So, I'm storing the books and all my other classroom crap because I don't know what I'm going to have room for. I get a desk, computer and phone in another teacher's room to call my own until Christmas break. Then she's getting booted out of her room for rennovations so we'll both be homeless. I don't know if that means I'll get a room in Jan. but I'll have to share it with her or what. That would be fine by me. At least then I could start moving in some of my things. Anyway, back to my original posting idea...

While moving all the boxes yesterday, I discovered that I am delicious. Specifically, I am delicious to the brand of mosquito here in the Sunshine State. The current count of bites on my person is 27. I'm not laughing. The weird thing? 13 of the 27 bites are on my right thigh. I don't know if several of the darn things got caught in my shorts or what, but 13! On my right thigh only! Holy Benadryl stick, Batman!

Emma was a lot of fun while we were "storing" yesterday. And I mean that literally, she was fun. She helped us with the flat cart. She held open doors, she worked the elevator (pronounced, "alligator" in E language), she held the keys for the padlock. She was awesome. Apparently she used up all the goodwill she possessed while at the storage facility because last night around 6:15 she became about as fun as a 45 year old alcoholic on his 3rd day at rehab. In trying to talk her down from throwing the remote at Max and litter the living room with socks, I decided to discuss her finer points. Give her a compliment. No dice. So, it was bathtime. Baths seem to be the magic elixir for bratty Emmas these days. They are starting earlier and lasting longer than ever. As I've said before, baths don't bother me because at least she confined in a small area and content to stay there for more than 10 minutes. Her parting words to us last night before we threw her in the bathtub to calm her down were, "No, I NOT gorgeous, Mama. You a GENIUS!" Then she crossed her little arms and sat down in the bathtub with a mighty "schlump" like she had just called me a bitch. It was difficult not to laugh when the water sloshed up into her face making her squinch her eyes up and gasp. Exactly. She was pleasant by the time her hair was all wet. I AM a genius.

birthdays, runny noses, the 5th circle of hell

i am tired and capitalizing seems like too much work. i had my 30th birthday and survived. i was in district orientation meetings all day long so it was uneventful. we watched so many 1989 safety videos i felt out of place with no bangs. at the end of the day, i arrived home quasi-cataonic to a rousing "happy birfday, mama!" from E. she promptly told me exactly what was in the wrapped box on the table and asked if she could have a brownie out of the batch that had been baked for me. ultimately, i'm 30 and not depressed about it like i thought i might be. the night of my bday, i had a sore throat which i tried to rationalize away. i awoke friday morning with both nostrils clogged and a head that felt 20 lbs. heavy. i finally feel normal today although i've retained quite the cough. the worst part was that my nose ran so badly that at one point it seemed the better alternative to leave a kleenex hanging out of my right nostril than to blow my nose one more time and cause my head to implode from the pressure. andy gave me the cold so this proves my point that ultimately, everything is his fault.

we had a new teacher luncheon yesterday. because all the other english teachers hired this year are newbies right out of college, everyone keeps treating me like i've never taught before either. when i told one of the current teachers i had taught for seven years, she had this to say, "but you're so young! did you graduate early or something?" patronizing cow.

do you know who inhabits the 5th circle of hell? lawyers (except Jimmy, of course), child molesters and insurance companies. insurance companies and the office workers in doctors' offices are the devil's demons embodied. apparently our health is of little consequence to anyone, it's just whether or not we can pay. so i could be dying or Emma could be hemorrahging but they need to see my insurance card first. and God help you if you're waiting on your new cards because then you're just a liar - of course you don't have insurance. you're carrying a fraudulent card. what follows is the conversation i had with a doctor's office worker yesterday.
OW: Ms. Mauk we called to check on your insurance before your appointment and they told us your policy is no longer active.
me: We've elected to pay COBRA for coverage so you'll have to call a different number.
OW: Yes, I called and they said the policy lapsed as of July 1 when "Andrew?" quit his job.
me: He did quit work on July 1 but we picked up the COBRA coverage after he quit and they told us to use the same cards. They are faxing you a letter of proof of coverage today or tomorrow.
OW: We'll need to reschedule your appointment since you don't have insurance until you can prove you're insured.
me: We ARE insured. You can call-
OW: I have already called the 1-800 number.
me: The number you have to call for the COBRA plan is an 877 number. I'll be happy to give it to you so you can verify.
OW: Yes ma'am but when I called, they said the policy was no longer valid as of July 1.
me: Let me help. I will call them straighten this out and then have them call you. Let me give you my credit card number to cover my appointment until you get the fax from the insurance company.
OW: Oh, no ma'am. We can't take your credit card unless you're already an established patient. I'll have to reschedule your appointment until you have proof of insurance.
And on and on and on it went. I'm not even sure she was listening to herself because she clearly wasn't listening to me. They received the fax while I was in the office for the appointment. Of course they did.

Restaurants with 3 year olds

Ingredients:
1 squirming 3 year old
2 hungry parents
3 drink glasses
1 bag toys (a.k.a. useless attempts at distraction for 3 yr. old)
1 spilled drink (mandatory)
17 napkins
5 sets of silverware
1 uneaten kids meal
2 mutilated parent entrees
(at least) 1 judgemental couple at next table
Directions:
Add 3 yr. old, parents, all food, and contents of one drink. Shake thoroughly for 20-30 minutes. Spread food contents, napkins and toys across table. Let sit fuming for 3 minutes. Meet judgemental stares from other patrons with mental middle finger. Vow never to take 3 yr. old out in public again. Serves any family.