Cabin Fever and the beach

After almost 3 weeks of neither Andy nor I working, we are bored. I realize that this goes against everything that I normally stand for but it's true. Even Emma is ready for a change. We went touring daycare sites last week and when we were leaving the first one, she started to cry as if I had just told her our DVD player was broken and screamed: "I don't want to go home. I want to stay at school. I want to play toys with kids. I want to stay at school!" Needless to say, she's ready to have a little more structure.

We did go to the beach today. I forgot the camera of course. We bought a disposable camera and did take some pictures but I won't be able to post them. She was really excited and insisted on being in the water the ENTIRE time. Did she want to do any of the swimming? No, of course not you fools. Andy or I had to be holding her or helping her bounce in her floaties the entire time. We barely had time to put on our own sunscreen as she blazed down the beach toward the water. She then of course ran screaming from the waves back up to the tent like she was being chased by giant brussell sprouts. So, Andy and I are exhausted, slightly sunburned and Emma stayed up until 9:30. It was a good day though. She had so much fun and it was great to watch her experience the ocean like that.

Seriously?

While perusing the shelves of a local toy store here in Tallahassee, I saw something I never thought I would see. A Jesus action figure. You heard me. I even took a picture of it.


It's difficult to see inside the box except to tell that it is a man in robes and the giant caraffe on the right. You might be able to make out the lettering on the box: "Deluxe Miracle Jesus" it says. Also, the exclamation sticker says, "Glow In the Dark Hands!" If you could see the entire box, you would see that on either side of the box are "accessories". On the left you have loaves and fishes. On the right there's water and wine. I was surprised he didn't come with his own cross but Andy pointed out that you probably only get the cross with the Platinum Edition Crucifixion Jesus.

I mean, is this weird or is it just me?


I don't mean to sound sacriligious. Many of you know that Andy and I both have strong faith and as Emma has begun reminding us (as well as strangers at restaraunts) that we need to pray before meals, it looks like some of our teaching is paying off. I'm just not sure that marketing our Savior as a play toy that will end up in the bottom of a toy chest is quite the right take on it either. I mean, I suppose if anyone should be an action figure, perhaps it should be Jesus but it just seems odd to me. I guess it's not that different than having a Virgin Mary statue on your dashboard (which again seems odd to me, but those Catholics have always been nutters). To each his own. And if each of you want your own Jesus, let me know and I'll head down to the mall to purchase you your very own minature deity.

Emma Episode: Lowe's

This afternoon around 4:30 we took a trip to Lowe's to get new deadbolts for the doors now that we own the house. On the way to Lowe's Emma was speaking in her cute little Gibberish language. I have discovered that Gibberish rears its indecipherable head at 2 different times: when Emma's had a massive amount of sugar (like yesterday after the b-day cookie baking session in which she literally lay down on the floor, spun in a circle and jabbered to...no one) OR when E is overtired or running on Empty. Today Gibberish began on the way to Lowe's. She's been sleeping until 9:00 so I knew she wasn't tired. It had to be that she was hungry. She's been eating like a Shetland pony lately (I hesitate to say "horse" because she is still pretty little). So anyway, headed into the store, she spotted 2 of those carts that have the plastic molded seats (PMS, ha!) attached to the front with harnesses for kids to ride in. God know's why, but Emma loves them. These and the shopping carts masquerading as race cars are 2 of the greatest inventions in Mommydom. It makes shopping with a preschooler so much easier when they think they are making the cart run into the end of the aisle and it makes it easier for you to pretend it was an accident meant to amuse your child. But I digress. The 2 PMS carts had been sitting in the 102 degree heat so we told her we'd get another one inside. Did they have another one inside? - of course not. And here begins the episode. At that moment, my beautiful blonde headed angel's head began rotate on her shoulders as she screamed at the top of her lungs to protest having to ride in a "regalar" cart. She then proceeded to go "noodled" when I tried to pick her up and put her in the basket of the cart. In doing this manuever, she landed squarely on her tailbone. This produced a shriek sounding much like I had physically struck her in the face. By this time other Lowe's patrons were staring; some in amusement, some in judgement. Usually I would be mortified but today I knew that she was just hungry and all I could do was laugh. Andy was laughing too. Now, in complete reversal from the previous fit, Emma was screaming, "Mama, hold me!" because her little tush hurt from smacking the cement floor of Lowe's. The head rotating had stopped but the screaming was still going strong. It took about 15 steps down the main aisle until she calmed down enough to be understood in her wailing. Ultimately, we got her into the cart. As the last of her sobs were dying away, she heard a familiar sound: the chime of her new Princess lamp that Grandma & Grandpa bought her for her birthday. Immediately, her head popped up and she said, "Mama, the Princess lamp! Let's go see it!" Ahh, the tragedy of it all.

New Table

Here's a pic of the new kitchen table. My wonderful husband spent today and yesterday putting the chairs and table together. Strangely, he said the table was easier than the chairs. Anyway, what do you think? Yes, the walls are green, but for some reason it looks softer in person. It's not quite so Kermit-ish when you're actually here. Regardless, I like the table. Now, we're just waiting on the living room table and entertainment console and we'll be officially finished moving. I think.

Birthday Pics

Uncle Matt, Aunt Leanne, Papa and Mimi sent Emma some birthday balloons. They were a big hit.

Then she decided to do her Gene Simmons impersonation. Pretty good, huh?

Going once, going twice, SOLD!

We finished the paperwork this morning so we officially own the house we've been living in for a week. Since yesterday was Emma's birthday, we told her we'd buy her a house. She was super excited about that. "Yeah! I want a house. Thanks Mama!" Today at the title office, she told us we needed to go "pay" for "her" house.

We are also having the refrigerator fixed today and our kitchen table is supposed to be delivered today. In fact, he just drove up. So, things are coming together. (You realize I've now cursed us.)

Emma's birthday was fun but pretty low-key. Since we had her party before we left Fayetteville, she had time with her friends before we moved away. Yesterday we took her to a local park. Then we came home, had lunch and made birthday cookies. After dinner, we went to get ice cream but she was pooped by then and only ate about 3 or 4 bites. She is super excited to be 3. Apparently being 3 puts you in charge because she told Andy and I several times yesterday, "Now I in charge, Mama." Really. We'll see about that. "Well, probally Mama I need to be in charge cuz I three." Well, 'probally' that's a bad idea. 3 year olds have never been known for their sound judgement and frugal planning. I'll let you all know how it works out.

We're going to have to get used to the hotness here. By 9:30 yesterday morning, it was already 90 degrees outside. We just can't hardly be outside between about 11:00 and 4:00. Thankfully our house faces east so we don't get the hot afternoon sun like we did in F'ville. Plus, we've got lots of trees in the backyard so Emma's swingset and most of the backyard is in the shade in the afternoon.

Now if we can just get used to the idea that we are really staying, that would be good.

Sale Pending

We are awaiting final paperwork to officially own the house we moved into last Thursday. That's been the reason for lack of posting - we've been furiously unpacking while grandparents were still here. It's amazing how much a almost-3-year old can slow down the packing/unpacking process. But, we're relatively back to normal. All of the beds are set up, we've done laundry, and the cats have successfully mastered the new pet door. Max does fit through the cat door but has definitely had his pride tarnished a bit as his belly flops over the side of the cat door and nearly sent him head over tail the first time he went down the steps into the garage. We are waiting on flood certification through our insurance company so we can sign the paperwork and get the title to the house - or hand the title over to the bank, as it were. Apparently a 1% chance of flooding requires insurance, particularly since the neighborhood pond is drying up and fish are dying on the ever-receding "shores" as we speak. Currently this area of FL is in a drought. The rainfall in this area has been almost 0 since April. It looks like perhaps this little pond could easily be 10 feet deep in places but right now it is beset upon by a flock of herons who are getting fat on the fist who are literally flopping in the shallow water. It is also a lovely breeding ground for humongous mosquitos. Needless to say, we've swapped out our sunscreen for OFF! since the towering pines and swamp oaks block out the sun but provide great cover for bugs and stifling humidity. We're supposed to close on the house Wed. Things still continue to go wrong even though we do at least have a home now. The refrigerator refuses to cool and the repairman (who came at 11:45 of the 8-12 window we were quoted over the phone) said the motor is busted and he'll have to order a part. Which will probably be here Thurs. so he'll be back on Fri. Obviously the internet is now working but it was a 2 day battle that included the cable company, the modem/router helpline and a man who told me his name was Patrick but he was clearly in Mumbai, India nearing his lunch break. Our new kitchen table is winging its way to our new home thanks to the extra $105 that target.com charges for its Special Delivery Zones (SDZ) of which Tallahassee is included. (Of course it is.) Did I mention that the original shipping fee for the table was only $90? So total, we payed $195 to have the table shipped. Ahh, but the chairs were free shipping, so we dodged a bullet on that one, right? No. You see, target.com has no record of us ordering any chairs even though I have the confirmation email. And, naturally, the free shipping offer has expired. So now, I will pay the original $50 shipping plus $105 for the SDZ to get my chairs which Nanette at target.com assures me were never ordered originally. Fabulous. But, I'm trying to be positive. I no longer feel sick ato my stomach immediately when I wake up. Our roof doesn't leak (b/c we're in a drought), the A/C works (I'm sure I just cursed us) and our furniture came through the move relatively unscathed. We are all healthy and maintaining a semblance of sanity. On a postive note, the fridge is still under warranty. So, there are blessings, we're just really having to look for them. One of the major blessings being our parents. The Mauks selflessly worked like dogs the entire time they were here helping us unpack and put up the swingset. My mother cleaned our entire house like it was a hospital. We have a great family and I guess that's what really matters.

Harry Potter Hypotheses

Yes, I meant plural. I'm adding this on as a P.S. to my previous post because it didn't fit in anywhere else. Here are the theories I've come up with about the 7th and final HP book.
1) Dumbledore's not dead and he was in on his own fake demise the whole time.
2) Snape (though I hate to admit it) is really good. (Blech.)
3) Harry will defeat Voldemort but it will cost him something (either a friend or his powers, I haven't decided which yet).
4) Harry becomes the permanent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher
These and others have been scurrying through my mind. MK and I had a lengthy conversation about this earlier but we can't come to a conclusion or an agreement. Shocking, I know, that MK and I can't agree on something we both love so much. What are your predictions?

Relocation Recommendation

Don't move. Don't. Do whatever you must do in order to stay in your current home and city to avoid it. Dress up as a taco if you have to, just don't move. I concur that moving, whether across the street or across the country, should require that courses be taken in the following areas:
How to Hire a Moving Company
How to Fire a Moving Company
How to Pack a Truck After Firing a Moving Company
How to Avoid Divorce: Not Blaming Your Spouse for Everything (see also other life-changing events i.e. Getting Married, Changing Jobs, Having Children)
How to Talk to Service People Without Using the Words "moron", "idiot", or "imbecile"
How to Read a Map and Follow Directions
How to Understand Money, Movers and Mortgages
How to Become the "Squeaky Wheel" in Order to Get the Grease
How to Drug Pets for Extended Travel
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about FL. I realize it doesn't sound like it from this tirade but I am. I'm not excited about losing our original house, house-hunting in Let's-Make-a-Deal-style, fighting with the bank, shmoozing the termite guy or finding out that target.com considers Tallahasse to be its own private island and charging us the same price as the kitchen table itself to send it to us. (Beware of Special Delivery Zone shipping fees. Ouch.)
More than anything though, is I hate that this is the way my husband's new adventure has begun. When he decided to go back to school for his PhD, he was so excited. He seemed happier in the past few months leading up to our move than he had been in the entire past year. I just knew this was the right choice for our family. Now, he's stressed out and feeling guilty like this is all his fault. I hate that for him. I am choosing to believe that this was God's way of protecting us from a money-pit of a house. I am choosing to believe that our neighbors will be better. I am choosing to believe that Max will actually fit through the tiny cat door in the newest home choice. (MK has instructed me that if/when Max does in fact get stuck in the cat door, I am to take photos first and then help release him.) And finally, I am choosing to believe that the excitement about this new phase of our life will come back for my husband. I want so much for him to know that Emma and I support him and that because this is his dream, it's part of my dreams too. Yick. Too much sap. Must go purge by swearing at the kids playing basketball outside our hotel window. Later.

Quote of the Day

I am in favor of stern discipline. I'll provide the discipline, you'll provide the stern.

I miss my child

Just now, my mom called to let me know that Emma is taking a bath. Bathtime is a lot of fun with Emma for several reasons the foremost being that she is completely contained. She likes taking a bath so much that she will actually sit in one place for up to 45 minutes playing with the toys and bubbles. Unheard of. When Mom called tonight I could hear Emma in the background. She was giggling and for those of you who haven't heard an Emma-giggle, it IS the most precious thing in the world. Then my mother gasped in horror (as she is wont to do in non-life-threatening situations like dropping her fork) as Emma unloaded a squirt toy in her face. The giggling multiplied as I can only assume my mother flailed and fell off the stool she was sitting on ("whump" on my end of the phone). Then Emma wanted to talk to me. "Mama, today the big doggie wouldn't bark but the little doggie barked hard at the fence. Then I walked with Mimi up the big hill. I taking a bath. I dirty. I have sweat. Bye." Just as I was about to hang up I heard her say, "I lub you Mama. I wanna call Daddy." Then the giggling and gasping started again as Emma began spraying my mother again. Normally she wiggles and twitches and bucks me so much when I try to mother her that my overriding emotion is frustration. Today, I just want to hold her so she can wiggle, twitch, buck and giggle with me.

Housing update

We've found another house. It's about 6 houses down from our first try. It is the same floor plan but with better improvements (laminate floors, deck - even a cat door) and less for us (Andy) to do upon moving in. We've also found sympathetic sellers who are willing to take our price so they can close early and be rid of the house because it's been on the market for 6 months "For Sale by Owner". They just listed it last week. Apparently they've had quite a few offers already so we feel really lucky. No, Mom, I do not have any pictures. There was no time to take pictures considering the inspections, phone calls, reschedulings and praying to various dieties that we wouldn't have to live in a hotel for a month. Everything has been done, again. Now we're just waiting on the bank because, could this be easy? NO. We have to be approved - again - for our mortgage amount. Then the house has to be appraised- again - to make sure we're good for the loan. Then all the paperwork has to be processed - again - so that we can go back to the title office - again - and buy the house.The bright light in all of this is the sellers. They own the carpet cleaning company that we were going to use on the original house. So they know our situation. They are going to let us go ahead and move in because they know we are serious about buying and they are serious about selling. I will eventually take pics and post a few. Maybe I can even figure out how to post a slide show by then. However, keep in mind there will be lots of unpacking (and probably swearing) going on in the next week. Just pray that nothing goes wrong this time. We're thankful but still scared. God works mysteriously - I guess that other house wasn't for us. It's a weird way to provide protection but He knows what He's doing way better than I do. Later.

No, really - we're actually homeless.

So, do you see over in the "Countdowns" menu how is says that we're homeless. Originally that was just a joke. Now - it's true. We were supposed to close on our house yesterday morning at 9:00. Due to some late paperwork, the time for the close was first moved back to 11:00am. Then, at 10:00, we received a conference call from our realtor and the sellers' realtor to let us know that the sellers' couldn't come up with the money for their end of closing costs. Not only that, but then their realtor had the balls to ask us if WE had any ideas on how the sellers could come up with the $6000+ that they needed to close the deal. I'm serious. One hour before we were supposed to sign the papers, they decided to let us know they were strapped for cash and could we possibly do anything to help. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! But no, they weren't kidding. Then we get to the title company's office to "sit down and brainstorm" with the sellers, their realtor and our realtor. By the way, did I mention that their realtor is about 12 and I'm not sure he had permission to be out of the house for as long as we were at the title office. Also, junior showed up to the closing in cargo shorts and Adiddas sandals. Then, as Andy and I are trying to comprehend all that this means for us, Sparky begins to philosophize about how "even though this seems bad, (I mean, I've never been in a situation exactly like this but) remember that life goes on". EXCUSE THE *!@#$ OUT OF ME??! Look buddy, I realize it must have been hard to move out of your parents' house last week and now doing your own laundry really sucks but are you really trying to tell me to get over it? Are you patronizing me while you sit there with your shades hanging off your shirt? ARE YOU HOMELESS? Shut the hell up, dude. Which he did as the encouraged his buyers to "relax, go get some lunch. Don't worry about it. Get your oil changed for the drive to NC and we'll figure this out." Which his sellers promptly did, leaving us at the title company to figure it all out. We haven't heard from them since. Shocker. Now that we're halfway down this highway of hell... This raises several questions:
1) How do you not know that you're going to need some cash at closing?
2) When you haven't been paying your mortgage for several months (as we found out they had not been) how do you not know that's going to come back and bite you when you try to sell?
3) What kind of people wait until the final hour before the paperwork is supposed to be signed to let the buyers know that they might not be able to do it?
4) What kind of realtor knows this is happening and doesn't warn the other people? (Cam, the jerk, that's who.)
So now our stuff is still in the truck being stored in Georgia because ABF doesn't have a secure lot here in Tallahassee on which to keep the truck. We are having to pay for utilities in the empty house over the weekend because they already turned them on Friday morning while we were arguing with the people and their realtor. We had to call and cancel the movers and the carpet cleaners. Andy's parents made it to Memphis and then turned around and went back to Hot Springs because we have no idea when we'll have a home. We spent yesterday afternoon starting over looking for houses again. In a nutshell, yesterday was horrible. I don't even know what to pray for at this point. Everyone send good vibes our way. We really need some.

Traveling

We're on our way to FL! Staying in Birmingham, AL tonight. So, Happy Birthday, America. Sorry we didn't make it to any fireworks but Mimi took Emma to downtown LR to watch the fireworks so I'm sure her enthusiasm was enough to cover my absence.

A couple of updates. Jess and Ken are home today! That's awesome for them and sucks for us since we left today. Can't wait to see more pics of the little man. Congrats guys! What a trip. Jess, you know how I feel about planes so I'm glad it was you and not me who experienced test-pilot guy.

Cats are fine if a little wobbly from the drugs.

My friend Tammy sold her old house and is "completely" moved in to her new house, complete with computer. Awesome. It stinks that she and I just got back to normal after some awkwardness, mostly on my part. For all of my being a bad friend, she stuck with me. Can't wait to keep up with her better now that she'll be able to blog more often with the computer back in the house.

Don't know when our internet will be up and running in FL. Try to post soon. Wish us luck that all our furniture is intact and reasonably undamaged. Later.

She Can Be Taught!

Today, while hurtling around my father's golf course in the passenger seat of a golf cart powered by my father's lead foot and navigated by my almost-3-year-old, I realized that whether or not my furniture makes it to FL intact will be of little consequence if I am dead. Near death experiences were on the menu today while riding in said golf cart with my child and my father. Growing up on or near a golf course most of my life, golf carts have been a part of my existence as far back as I can remember. Today I realized just how dangerous they actually are. Think on it: battery powered, metal frames on wheels. No doors. No windows. NO SEATBELTS. Add into this contraption a 55+ golf pro who knows the golf course like the back of his hand (same man who will drive the golf cart, pointing out the view from #3, not looking AT ALL, as we seemingly speed over the sand-trap embankment off the side of the mountain on which the course was built). He is holding a hyperactive pre-schooler precariously in his lap allowing her to pilot this 25+ mph contraption over the rolling hills and valleys of the 13th hole. By the time we made it back to the clubhouse, my right thigh was cramping from the number of times I hit the imaginary emergency brake on my side of the golf cart. However, I was NOT awarded title of "poo-poo head" as my mother was. I managed to keep my terror well disguised while riding with these 2 while my mom kept letting phrases like "Slow down!" or "Turning, turning!!!" escape from her lips. One other thing I realized: my father never would have let any of we children drive a golf cart when we were 3. Phrases like, "I could get fired!" or "You could hurt someone!" (how true!) were favorites whenever Leanne, Jay or I wanted to drive the cart. This just goes to show you that yes, parenthood is a monumental reminder of how unfair your parents can really be. You thought your little brother had it good? Forget it. Wait till you have kids. Your parents will let your kids do things even YOU know are a bad idea. Case in point: this is a conversation I have actually had with my own father.
-Dad, we don't let her launch herself off the furniture like that.
-Why not?
-She could hurt herself.
-But she's having fun...
-Dad, she's leaping from the arm of the couch onto the ottoman. That spells disaster to me.
-C'mon, lighten up. I'm the Papa. Besides, this is a lot better than letting her jump off the back of the deck like we did yesterday.
SHEESH.
One thing that I am proud of though. As the wind was screaming through our hair on the golf cart today, my mother said, yet again, "Danny, slow down!" To which my father replied, "Oh, just shut up, would ya?"
My gorgeous, almost-3-year-old daughter proceeded to say, "Uh-oh, Papa said 'shut up'. We don't say that word Papa. That's bad." So, she's listening - granted it's only to correct others rather than follow directions herself but this at least confirms that she can, in fact hear. Thank God for small victories.